Ask Poops, Please

Putting my two cents in.

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Location: Belmont, New Hampshire, United States

Born and bred in a small New England town, I am convinced that I know something about everything, and that my opinion matters. If only to me. Well, you'll see what I mean. And I love to knit, so you'll see what kind of things I'm doing when I should be vacuuming the living room.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

What Do They Know, Anyway?

Can I vent for a minute? Something's been bugging me and I just need to say it and get it out of my system.

I hate self-help books. Or gurus. Make that "And gurus." Maybe "hate" is too strong a word. I mistrust them. I am sick of them. Not a day goes by when I'm not assailed with an Expert telling me what and/or what not to do/eat/think.

*Can you read the small sub-title of that book over there to the left? "Healthy Cooking Without Wheat, Gluten, Dairy, Eggs, Yeast, or Refined Sugar." The sub-title should read "Just Shoot Me."

If I see Dr. Oz or Suze Ormond or Joel Osteen on TV one more time, I shall flip.

The channel, anyway.

Last week the news reports that Experts have done a Study that shows that an alcoholic drink every day can be good for heart health, especially in women. Except that this week another group of Experts have done another Study and they've found a higher rate of certain cancers in women who drink alcohol every day. So if you have a family history of breast cancer you should avoid alcohol. But if you have a history of heart disease in the family, you should have a drink every day.

What if you've got both? (Cancer on mom's side, heart disease on Dad's.) What do I do? Flip a fucking coin?

Lately, there's been quite a kerfluffle about Vitamin D and how we don't get enough of it. Not in our diets, apparently, and definitely not from sun exposure. Apparently, we as humans were originally designed to spend more time out of doors than we currently do However, we have apparently destroyed the ozone and if we expose our skin to the sun--even in modest amounts--the sun will give us the cancer.

So the Vitamin D Experts are telling us to spend a mere 15 minutes a day with skin exposed to the sun. But wait! Don't get excited! The Cancer Experts are stilll telling us that even minimal exposure to the sun's harmful UV rays can cause melanoma and to wear sunscreen and big hats and sunglasses, and don't forget the backs of your hands.

Hmmm, cancer or Vitamin D deficiency. Which to choose, which to choose...

I've decided to roll my dice and avoid the sun (I have rosacea which is a double-reason for me to stay in the shade) and I'll keep drinking my milk. I like milk. (But you should cut dairy out of your diet because it exploits animals/causes diabetes/lactose intolerance makes you fart/white foods are bad foods--take your pick.)

And it's like that everywhere. Who's right? And what the hell happened to common sense?

The sad truth is that I really have to stop watching Good Morning America. I can't believe how much of this crap they're allowed to shovel out by the wagonload every day. The story on Mountain Dew being the scourge of Appalachia was the one that did me in. I swear to you, if Chris Cuomo wasn't so damn delicious I'd change the channel. Not that their counterparts are a bit better. (And they don't have Cuomo.) But that's another rant for another day.

The one that pushed me over the edge this week was Chap Stick. I was in the dentist office where I'd just had my bi-annual gum-raping. I was checking out and I put on some Chap Stick to soothe my aching, dry, chapped lips and the receptionist looked at me in Horror.

"You shouldn't use that!" she exclaimed. "The ingredient in it harbors bacteria!"

I've been using Chap Stick for a million years. Day in, day out, winter after winter, without fail. Can you even FATHOM how many bacteria I've deposited on my mouth all this time? Have they harmed me? Not that I can tell. Who comes up with this stuff?

It seems like something like this comes up in my life every damned day.

Who do you trust? Me, I don't think I trust anyone anymore.

Tomorrow, less ranting and more knitting. Unless I get salmonella from a peanut ...


Blogger Bezzie said...

Ha ha! Yup. My mother had breast cancer and my father has had a stroke. So do I drink the alcoholic drink everyday? Luckily Dr. Mad Scientist has solved this problem for me. LOL!

6:39 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

For real, my verification word is suffermi. Too funny.

Anyway, just tune it all out. You'll be happier. Most of the health advice that gets reported in mass media won't make a big difference either the quality or quantity of your life. That's my story and I'm sticking with it. And I have way worse worries than bacteria in my chapstick. Just about everything harbors bacteria, except bleach. Spit harbors bacteria!

11:42 AM  

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