Ask Poops, Please

Putting my two cents in.

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Location: Belmont, New Hampshire, United States

Born and bred in a small New England town, I am convinced that I know something about everything, and that my opinion matters. If only to me. Well, you'll see what I mean. And I love to knit, so you'll see what kind of things I'm doing when I should be vacuuming the living room.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Wanna Hear Something Gross?

Of course you do.

I read a thread the other day about how "cool" it would be to make one's breastmilk into cheese, yogurt, or to use it in other consumable food products.

That alone was enough to make me gag. But then you know how I feel about lactivists.

If half the human population can do it, it's not a fucking superpower. Get over yourself.

But just to up the ante, yesterday I read that a woman from Seattle (naturally) made beer from, and I quote, "yeast from her lady parts." It's good to know that there's a use for the by-product of sleeping in underpants for a few nights in a row. It's not funky! It's starter for homebrew!

Yes, I'll hang on while you swallow that bit of bile that just came up. But you know, it's no weirder than eating breastmilk yogurt as far as I'm concerned.

So when I told Yorkie about the gag-me-with-a-spoon cooking-with-breastmilk posts that popped up unexpectedly, (I haven't told her about the lady-bit-beer yet--she's pregnant and her stomach might not be able to handle it yet) she told me that she has a cookbook with recipes made from semen. I shit you not a pantload. I swear to God it's the truth. Look for yourself...

Natural Harvest--A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes

The best part is the comments. Scroll down and read them...I laughed out loud. Let me share a couple of my favorites....

Steve O'Hara writes...."We raised 400$ for a church during the bake sale becuase people could not get enough of the cream cheese cookies we made. Thanks Semen cookbook!"

Fucking awesome. Here's another one.


*poops falls off the chair laughing*

A thoughtful question from Sam Post...."how long and you store cum for eating later and how should you store it?"

Excellent question, Sam. Thanks for writing. Though no one ever answered him. *shrugs* Maybe it's in the book.

But here's my favorite by far, actually two. Points and props for their creativity...

Rosie Palm says..."The Choked Chicken recipe is by far my favorite, hands down.
Some others I've tried and enjoyed are the Creamy Homemade Fudge, Weinerschnitzel, and Creamed Spinach. The Cumin Rub is also good to marinate your meat."

In the same "main" vein, Spanked Monkey listed his favorites as well...."These recipes are easy to make, even for cooking "new comers."
The Tossed Salad was a big hit at our Mens' Club Meeting. A slathering of Creamy Cucumber dressing really made the flavors pop."

That's all for today. I'm baking up a batch of homemade bread today (from homemade yeast no less!) with some Gar-lick Boy Butter on it and I gotta get churning...


Blogger Bezzie said...

Yeah I saw both those threads and thought it was nasty. Cheese? Really? Gag.

I skimmed the rest of this thread. Really. Dear god.

7:45 PM  
Blogger SiressYorkie said...

You wrote captured the essence of how terribly, horribly wrong that cookbook is so well.

And I like your quote: "If half the human population can do it, it's not a fucking superpower." I was thinking, during many of my sleepless nights, that a better slogan might be, "I MAKE MY OWN CHOICES. WHAT'S YOUR SUPERPOWER??" Finding folks who can think for themselves seems to be much rarer than anything else.

Speaking of rare, I promise that if you visit my my rather chaotic home, you can rest assured I will never serve you Choked Chicken Surprise. Or anything with spunk in it, actually.

And you don't know how close I was to giving this book to SDBIL for Christmas. Right after the 50 pound bag of cow poop from OXFAM. So very tempting.

4:11 AM  
Blogger Penny Karma said...


And here's my word verification:


11:55 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Yeah. I am totally with you on the breastmilk food thing. It is food for babies, that's about it. I agree, we're mammals, hello. And I'm a huge bfer too. But its normal, not weird, not a superpower, and limited to baby food. Despite what everyone has told me, no, I haven't even tasted it myself. No desire to.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

OMFG! Seriously. You read some, um, interesting blogs.

See you soon!

2:15 PM  
Blogger Batty said...


9:01 PM  
Blogger TRY It Before You BUY It said...


6:09 AM  
Blogger TRY It Before You BUY It said...

I have really enjoyed reading your posts as I learn a lot of from them.I also broaden my thinking as far as what I can use and do with our consumable products that help's to diet control.

6:13 AM  

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