Ask Poops, Please

Putting my two cents in.

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Location: Belmont, New Hampshire, United States

Born and bred in a small New England town, I am convinced that I know something about everything, and that my opinion matters. If only to me. Well, you'll see what I mean. And I love to knit, so you'll see what kind of things I'm doing when I should be vacuuming the living room.

Monday, April 09, 2007

We Have a Winner!

We have a winner! Well, two winners, really, and some lovely parting gifts for all of you who played along and helped me celebrate my big One Year Blogaversary!

Picking a winner, unlike picking a booger, proved to be harder than I thought it would be. There were funny questions, thought provoking questions, and questions that required some research on my part.

The winner managed to combine one of the great mysteries of the universe, an observation of family life, and a knitting dilemma all in one question. And since those are exactly the kind of free-floating vagaries with which Ask Poops, Please concerns itself, I thought the question completely apropos, and thus, a WINNER.

Coincidentally, it was also the first question I received!

So put your hands together for DancesInGarden who is today’s Big Winner!

We’ll get to the prize winning question in a minute, and the prizes, but first, we must pick from the hat (or in this case, my big mixing bowl) the winner of the Second Chance Random Drawing.

Drumroll, please.

And the winner is….

Cole!

Here’s Don Pardo to tell them what they’ve won.

Poops, our lovely grand prize winners each receive a skein of Noro Silk Garden yarn. Made in Japan from a luscious blend of silk, kid mohair, and lamb’s wool, Silk Garden is known for its lovely shaded colorways. Included with the yarny goodness is a pattern designed and written by Poops for a simple ribbed neckwarmer that showcases the beautiful color variations and is sure to garner the wearer many compliments! Back to you, Poops.”

Thanks, Don. Just for playing along, all of our lovely contestants will receive via e-mail a copy of the neckwarmer pattern in a PDF file to download and add to their pattern stash. At this time, if you did not include your email address with your entry, please feel free to contact me at pixaddress1969 (at) yahoo (dot) com so that I can send you your prize.

Our Grand Prize Winner DancesInGarden wants to know:

“Why is it, that when I buy boxes of Kleenex in bulk at Costco, whenever I myself have a runny nose there is no Kleenex to be found?... [And] would it be wrong for me to knit a toilet roll cover for the roll I have to carry around with me because I can’t find any Kleenex?

Oh Dances, I feel your pain. Lord knows I’ve had to hide things in this house so that they could be mine and mine alone. I’ve had to use police crime scene tape to cordon off my special diet foods so that when DH gets to feeling all snacky he won’t eat six 100 calorie packs of Chips Ahoy or a whole box of Weight Watchers ice cream sandwiches and will instead take his butt the 1/8 mile to the convenience store for a Snickers and a Slim Jim.

The Kleenex dilemma is indeed a mystery of the universe. It’s right up there with the eternal question of why a grown person would use the last piece of toilet paper on the roll, take another one from the cabinet over the back of the pooper, wipe his behind and then stick the roll on the top of the tank, flush, and walk away. Was the extra ten seconds it would have taken to take the springy-thing out of the roll holder, drop the empty roll into the trash can directly below the holder, and slip the new one (gently used) into its place just too much to handle for one person?

So why is it you buy the Kleenex and then are left to discover the empty box? Why do I never use the last piece of hiney paper and yet I’m inevitably the one to change the roll?

Because we’re the mommies, that’s why. It’s also why we can say “no” at random and not give a reason. It’s the reason “I’ll think about it” means “probably yes, but I’m exercising what little control I have over you right now”. It’s the reason they come to us when they can’t find a shoe, or a sock, or a library book, or when they need lunch money, or a prom dress, or a kiss goodnight.

It comes with the job.

To that end, of course I don’t think it’s wrong for you to knit a toilet roll cover for the roll you have to carry around with you because you can’t find any Kleenex! I am Poops, Queen of Mittens and Believer that All Things are Better with a Cozy On Them. I bet you could make very nice one out of one skein of Silk Garden, perhaps with enough left over for a handy carry strap and a plastic lined bag to hold the used bits of tissue. (Can you tell I’ve given this some thought? Can you tell that I also have been known to lug a roll of toilet paper around from time to time?) Better yet, you should go out and buy yourself a nice Lexi Barnes with room for a WIP and a double roll of Extra-Soft Charmin with Aloe and Vitamin E.

DancesInGarden, thank you for your question, and I hope I’ve answered it to your satisfaction.

Cole, our Random Winner, wants to know “How did you come to name your blog? I think this is a very interesting title due to the other names of knitting blogs.”

Well thanks, Cole. I think it’s interesting too, thought it has nothing to do with knitting, exactly.

Poops is my real nickname, and my brother-in-law is convinced that I know everything. It’s not true, exactly. I know something about everything, which isn’t the same thing and far less impressive, but don’t tell him that.

Anyway, when he asks my sister something she doesn’t know the answer to, he dials my number, throws the phone at my sister and says “Ask Poops, please.” And I’m sure grins impishly (as he is wont to do) when I do actually know the answer. (Don’t tell anyone, but I also live by the adage “If you can’t dazzle ‘em with brains, baffle ‘em with bullshit.”) When he found the site “Ask Jeeves”, he decided I should have a site and call it “Ask Poops” and then he added the “please” to be more polite.

And when I started a blog, I just used the title he suggested lo those many years ago.

So there! My two big winners have prizes on the way, as soon as I track y’all down. And you’ve got your first two answers in the Great Game of Ask Poops, Please! Tune in tomorrow when I reach into the Big Bowl of Names and pull another of your questions.

In other news, I told you I’d show off the girls matching Easter sweaters, and here they are. I made Bug’s and Sister made Bobo’s. They are made from Reynolds Utopia, 100% acrylic (I know!) and we used the pattern “Molly” by Debbie Bliss. Bug liked hers so much that she wore it to school today.

After my success with my new felted bag, I’ve been on kind of a felted bag designing/making spree. I have a purple clutch and a peach clutch, a brown and pink bag and a red and green bag almost done. I’m going to etsy them. I still haven’t given up on hopes of my own website though. And on the needles is a dark red bag that will have felted flowers on it.

Pics of those tomorrow!

3 Comments:

Blogger Bezzie said...

Oh boy! You're going to answer all the questions! Hee hee!!! I can't wait!

And I have to say I'm thoroughly freaked out about what the winner asked you. I have been contemplating knitting a TP cozy, just today as I was sitting on the crapper. Now I read this on your blog, as I nurse my runny nose with a box of kleenex.

Cosmic man. Cosmic.

11:58 AM  
Blogger knitten kitten said...

Oh I can't believe I missed you blogiversary contest. Happy B'versary anyway and I'll be tuning in for those answers.

The girls sweaters are also adorable and as far as acrylic goes, I caught some flack on a few message boards for knitting a skirt(ohmigod) out of acrylic (the sacriledge)for my four year old! This is what I have to say to you...Right on momma! Do these people not get what it is like to handwash little pre-scool germ infested items that already smell like cookies, dirt, and paste without adding the degree of difficulty (not to mention wooly smell)factored in by natural fibers. Sheesh I don't know about your girls but mine is ROUGH on her clothes so if I have to ever chunk something I've knit for her because it was ruined I'll sleep better knowing I didn't break the bank on the yarn.
Sorry for the rant. I was feeling high and mighty, but beautiful sweaters though!

11:30 PM  
Blogger DancesInGarden said...

Those are the cutest children in the cutest sweaters I have ever seen And I am not just saying that because I have won - bwa ha ha haaa!

Noro. This is an animal I have only heard of, read about, and coveted. Is there a statute of limitations regarding how long I am allowed to hold it and pet it and marvel at it before I use it ROFLMAO?

11:41 AM  

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