Where Does the Time Go?

It’s the question I think mothers from the beginning of time have asked themselves. One minute they’re kicking your bladder, the next they’re mewling lumps of baby, and before you know it, they’re cradling babies of their own.

CBear asks, “As a Mommy, what is your favorite part of watching your kids get older? I’m a new Mommy and I am so overwhelmed that I feel like I am missing everything!”

Sweetie, we’re all overwhelmed! I wonder sometimes if that feeling of being chased by a steamroller ever really goes away! (I suspect not, though I feel I’ve gotten used to ignoring the feeling for great stretches of time. It’s probably just from practice!)

But there are days I wonder, as bazillions of mothers before me have wondered, where does the time go? I look at pictures of the Bug when she was a baby, and some days it seems like it was just yesterday that she was trying peaches for the first time, and other days it seems like it was a million years ago. People ask me at what age she did this thing or that, and I feel bad that I have to look it up in her book.

I found that with Bug I was anxious for her to do everything. I couldn’t wait for her to stop being a baby and start hitting those milestones. Of course, once she did, I found myself wishing for the simpler baby days of sleeping, eating, and pooping.

I vowed with Bobo that I’d take it easy and not be so eager for her to grow up. Which turned out to be a good thing because she is the child with a mind of her own. She will do what she wants, when she wants, and will not be rushed into anything. She certainly has made me rethink my approach to childrearing, since her older sister was raring to go, hit milestones early, and was always looking for new things to try. Bo is way laid back, and has made it quite clear in her own baby way that she’ll get to her milestones when she’s darn good and ready, and not a moment sooner.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m going to have my hands full with this one as she gets bigger.

All that being said, despite how fast they seem to grow up, my favorite part of seeing it all happen right before my eyes is watching them struggle with a milestone and then conquer it. First steps, first words, taking the training wheels off, potty training, learning to read, learning their prayers, seeing them feel empathy for another human being, using good manners—seeing them master all the skills they’re going to need in this life makes me so proud and so happy. And even watching Bobo do those things on her own schedule is a source of pride—no one is going push this girl around!

Ironically, it’s also the saddest part of seeing them grow up. I believe today as firmly as ever that our children are not “ours.” They are merely borrowed, on loan from the universe. And my job is to raise them up in the way that they should go, and then let them go. And it’s hard. You want your baby to curl up on your lap when she’s tired, or take your hand when you’re walking together down the street, but the bigger they get, the less it happens.

And that is good. And right.

And hard.