Ask Poops, Please

Putting my two cents in.

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Location: Belmont, New Hampshire, United States

Born and bred in a small New England town, I am convinced that I know something about everything, and that my opinion matters. If only to me. Well, you'll see what I mean. And I love to knit, so you'll see what kind of things I'm doing when I should be vacuuming the living room.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Would That I Had Decent Pictures

I went to a wedding this past weekend.

People, they spent a hundred grand on this wedding if they spent a dime, I swear.

I've never seen anything like it and I've been to two World's Fairs and a goatfucking contest.

Here's the breakdown. I don't have the actual numbers, but you can get an idea.

First of all, the venue. Beardslee Castle near (in?) Little Falls NY. Lovely place. Top notch.

We stayed at a Best Western in Little Falls. When we checked in, we got a gift bag from the bride's parents. There were two bottles of water, two little nip bottles of booze, candy, apples, peanuts, and--get this--personalized candy and cookies. They ordered pretzel rods that were dipped in chocolate and then personalized with the wedding theme "Fall in Love" and two cookies frosted with the bride and grooms name.

They arranged a shuttle for the guests to get to and from the hotel where we stayed. It made two or three runs before the wedding and starting at 8 pm, ran every half hour until 2 a.m. Not some crappy school bus, either. This is the kind of bus you'd charter to go on a group trip. Think of a small charter bus. There were a couple of tables, regular bus type seats, and a big leather "couch" in the back. And a sink. Crazy.

Once there, we had the ceremony inside because it rained. Officiant fee...probably.

There was a photographer that was with the bridal party all day. He traveled back and forth between the bride and groom taking pics of their special day. He was there when we left at 11. And you know that all day fee doesn't include the photo portrait album.

And there was a videographer that was there the whole time too.

Once in the reception area, we found the open bar, which remained open all night. I thought it ended at 11, but dad told me today that after the reception, people went down to the regular bar for an after-party and the bar was open for the wedding guests until 2 as well. That's more than 8 hours of an open bar.

While the pictures were being taken, they set out hors d'oeuvres. Mountains of cheese and crackers, which were great. Then the servers started circulating with trays. I counted four different hot appetizers. They charge separately for those, you know.

Dinner started. They filled our champagne glasses, of course, and then they came around with the wine bottles. We had an appetizer course, a soup course, a salad course, a sorbet, the main meal (filet mignon and shrimp scampi), cake, and chocolate dipped strawberries for dessert. The wine gals came around during the meal too, lest you think the wine was a one shot deal. Oh no.

If you needed to use the potty, and with an open bar, who doesn't, you would find a basket in there courtesy of the bride's family with anything a party guest might need. Bandaids, Tums, mouthwash, floss, maxi-pads, clear nail polish...I can't even remember everything that was in there. One in each bathroom, of course, with manly things in the men's room. No pads.

The DJ played from 5:30 to 11.

On the table itself there was a centerpiece that was a fishbowl with a live Betta fish and floating candles. We took our fish home for the girls. It lives at Tanta's, thank you very much. There were three candy dishes shaped like leaves that were full of custom printed M&M candies with their names, the date, and the theme. You could take the candy dishes too. And each couple got a favor to take home--a small bottle of real maple syrup. They retail for about 4 bucks a throw.

We counted about 100 people including the wedding party.

You realize that all this stuff doesn't even include things like the cost of the bride's gown and accessories, the hall decorations, the clothing for the bridal party (the girls wore full-length gowns with full-length velvet capes), and transport for the bridal party. They had a limo, not the shuttle bus, nice as it was.

So I'm telling you, if they spend less than a hundred grand I'll eat that Betta fish.

It was the first wedding I've been to where I've been tempted to send a note to the bride's parents and thank them for including us in such a lovely party. Really, they thought of everything. Nothing was overlooked.

It was nice to get away for a couple of days. The ride west to NY was a nice one. We had good weather all through NH and VT. It was only raining over NY. Figures. As soon as we headed home, the skies cleared and we had clear weather all the way back. We got to do some leaf-peeping, though in all honesty I'm pretty used to seeing them. They change every year, some years it's just better than others. This year...meh. VT was very red, but NH and NY were more yellow and orange.

Ma watched the girls while we were gone. They painted pumpkins, decorated Halloween cookies, and went to the Walmart twice. Grammy was exhausted, but I think the girls would have stayed. As it was she needed a big glass of vodka and a nap.

Yesterday was crappy weather, but we went to the Sandwich Fair anyway. Usually I go just to eat my body weight in sausages, apple crisp, onion rings, french fries, and fried dough, but not this year. I was good. I had a clam chowder in a bread bowl which was nice and hot and hit the spot. We didn't stay long, really. It was very raw out. Bug rode a ride that stretched her neck all out and all night long she kept saying that her head was too heavy to lift, and this morning her neck was all stiff. She didn't say it hurt, so I dosed her up with some Tylenol and sent her off to school. Poor thing.

And today is Tuesday, back to business as usual.

I'm feeling more nauseous every day which is a good sign. I actually woke up feeling unwell this morning, which is odd since my morning sickness usually hits me in the afternoon. Weird.

General consensus is that we should have a boy this time out, but I don't know. We do good work with girls.

All is well so far.

Now I must go change some very stinky pants (Bobo's, not mine) and get my lesson ready for religious ed tonight.

Did you know that St. Fiacre is the patron saint of gardeners? He created beautiful gardens and was renowned for his healing ablilities, especially urological and proctologic aliments. The term "Figs of St. Fiacre" refers to hemorrhoids, a specialty of Fiacre's.

You learn some thing new every day. Don't you wish you were in my class?


Blogger Bezzie said...

Believe it or not, I did know there was a patron saint who covered hemorrhoids.

I dunno, I don't really relax at weddings that nice. They make me nervous. But I'm weird like that.

1:11 PM  
Blogger chemgrrl said...

You've been to a goatfucking contest?!? Who won?

1:19 PM  
Blogger Cindy in Happy Valley said...

I know that wedding or one like it....

The Willard in DC.
Pre-reception cocktail party with sushi, crab claws, caviar, you name it. Entertainment by a jazz trio.

Dinner was multi-course, wine with each, and an 11 member big band with a vocalist that played throughout the reception. I have no idea what we ate, but I do remember the cheese and fruit after the meal.

Oh, yeah, the rehearsal dinner was on a boat that sailed the Potomac past the monuments.

People are crazy. I loved it!

1:37 PM  
Blogger Pinkwool, formerly Fluffy Ewe said...

You know, that would make a pretty damned fine downpayment on a house. I cant understand ppl dropping that kind of coin on ONE DAY. Sheesh...

I get uptight, like Bezz, at those types of weddings. I always think ppl are snickering at me. But I'm paranoid like that.

4:40 PM  
Blogger turtlegirl76 said...

Wow. Go ahead and send that note. I'll bet it'd be appreciated that someone even noticed all that thought.

But do go on about this goatfucking contest. Inquiring minds you know.

6:12 PM  

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