Feel Free to Get Your Teeth Out of My Ass

Am I wearing a sign that says "Just Screw Me"? Is it written on my forehead with Sharpie? Because sometimes it feels that way.

You know I'd rather walk a mile on my tongue than complain, but...

I've been trying to get a roof put on my house since April. I still don't have one. He has until the 31st to get one on or I get the money back that I paid him for the supplies. What do you suppose the odds of that are, huh? What do you want to bet I find myself in small claims court in November? You want to put some money on the date my insurance company decides to drop me for not having the roof done?

See, that's the way my luck runs. I get fucked over at every turn.

I'm the kind of person that gets into a line at the grocery store only to find that it's the slowest line in the store. I'm the gal that goes in to buy a sale item just to find out the the guy in front of me bought the last one, and no they won't be getting any more or issuing any rain checks, so sorry. I'm the person who gets a hell of deal on a pellet stove only to find two years later that the price of pellets has skyrocketed...and good luck finding any come Spring!

I once brought my car into the shop for a simple state inspection. It was running great--needed an oil change, but other than that it was great. I go to pick it up and the guy tells me Bad News: you have a broken something or other. It won't pass inspection without it, and it will cost you more than the car is worth to repair it. I told him I'd get back to him and in tears called my FIL, who is a mechanic for the State of NH. I asked him if it was something he could maybe find me some after-market parts for...and there was a pause on the other end of the line.

"What did he say was broken?" I told him what the guy told me about the something or other.

"When you look at it, does it lean to the right at all?" Nope.

"When you drive it, does it pull to the right at all?" Not a bit. It runs fine.

"Then there's no way your something or other is broken. You wouldn't be able to drive the car if it was." Really. "Really. Take your car to another mechanic, don't even mention the something or other since it's not even part of a state inspection in the first place, and get your sticker. Chalk the 20 bucks up to knowing better than to patronizing that particular car place again." Which I did.

Would that that experience was the only time I've been upsold at a car place. Here's a lesson for you, folks (especially if you don't have a FIL who is a mechanic): if they tell you that you need something else done besides what you asked for, DON'T GET IT.

Just prior to sitting down and venting my spleen about Things That Don't Go My Way, I called my Sister. She shares my opinion that I'm probably out 900 bucks, and to quote Han Solo (not that she would), "I've got a bad feeling about this."

Sister just had some guys come and blow insulation into her old house. They came when scheduled, did the job on schedule, and did just what they said they'd do with no additional charges. I pointed out that it would never have happened for me.

She laughed. "No, they'd have stuck the hose in and blown the plaster clean off the wall. Or you'd open the cellar door and have insulation up to the top step."

Yeah, if they didn't skip town with my check and head for Florida.

So, feeling better having vented to Sister--as I often do--I sat down to tell all y'all about this, and I see the reflection of the Lowe's truck in the back window. It's sort of my nosy-neighbor-rearview mirror-early warning detection system. I turn around and look out the front window and see that it's probably Sister's new washing machine (front load, high efficiency, fucking nice) being delivered. Only I just hung up the phone with her and know she's not home yet. So I run next door like Gladys Kravitz and let the guys in. ("Abner! They're delivering the washer and she's not home! Abner! Are you listening to me? It's the WASHER!")

Long story short, not two minutes after they did their job swiftly and efficiently and an hour ahead of schedule, Sister pulls in. I explained that it's all in, and I made if official by putting my old Jane Hancock on the delivery slip.

Of course if the hoses detach and start spraying water everywhere, we'll know who to blame for that, won't we?

This Kind of Thing is Totally My Bag, Baby

Check it:

For my SIL with the same name as me. Now we have the same bag too. Every time she sees mine she says she wants one, so for her 30th birthday she's getting one. I was amazed at how good it came out, and how much it looks like the original. It needs some de-fuzzing, but other than that it's good to go.

The specs--Pattern: "Baby's Got a Brand New Big Bag" free online; Yarn: Cascade 220 and one skein of Nature Spun Worsted (that'd be the darker green); knit on size 9 needles and felted for two cycles in the washer.

At least felting is safe.

The town is under a boil order from the state since "unsafe levels of the e. coli bacteria" were found in the municipal water supply. It'll be at least a couple more days until we're safe to drink again.

It's mostly an inconvenience. Remembering not to run your toothbrush under the tap, boiling up a gallon of water before using it for my ever-present pitcher of Crystal Light Iced Tea, remembering to keep my mouth and eyes shut tight in the shower, adding bleach to give the clean dishes a final bacteria-free rinse...by last night it was all quite tiresome.

But then at choir practice, as those of us who live in the village area kvetched a bit about our lot in life, Lillian reminded us that Doris' daughter is currently in Africa working with people for whom the daily pursuit of clean water is a life-or-death struggle.

It kind of put boiling a pan of water in perspective.

Victory is Mine!

I know it probably doesn't seem like much to most parents. Here's a perfectly healthy 16 month old boy who is sitting in his high chair eating crackers. Most kids do that anywhere from 6 to 9 months or so.

This is the first time he's fed himself. Yep, my little Princeling has not felt the need to shove food into his own mouth until this point. He meets with a therapist once a week because we already know he has some delays with his fine motor skills. As far as the putting things in his mouth goes, she seems to think he can do it, he just hasn't known up until now that he can do it. But he put it all together in the last couple of days and FINALLY he's figured out what to do with that cracker. As you can see by the tray, he still would rather smoosh them up and sweep them to the floor, but he's getting some into his face which is a start. Anything small and/or slippery (like cereal or pieces of fruit) kicks his ass, but if it's big enough for him to hold and take a bite, like crackers or toast, he's got it!

I find myself wondering if he's going to go the same route as Bobo.

Miss Bobesie has been entered into our school's extended-day kindergarten program. It's a special Title I literacy program that helps kids that need extra work with literacy skills. I wasn't sure why she got picked...they choose the 15 kids that need the most help. I mean, Bobo can read! Like, read the newspaper, read. So I asked her teacher about it. She said that the Title I teacher was surprised too. Her scores on her kindergarten screening weren't "low, low" and she can in fact read. But here's what she said: "I see her sometimes thinking a bit longer about what her next step is with a project or with a task, and working hard to 'put it together'." She seems to think that the full day of school will give her more time to experience the classroom environment and work with the demands that come with it, thus making her better prepared for first grade.

I told her that the issue with Bo has always been not that she can't do things, rather that she won't do them until she's good and ready. And if she's doing something she doesn't want to do, rest assured she is paying it minimal attention, if any. So I told her teacher (who is awesome and I love her so!) this bit of insight and explained how I tell when she's just flaked out on me because she's uninterested in what she's supposed to be doing. Hopefully it will help. I don't know...it's taken me five years to get a handle on how she is.

So I wonder how much of Dave is going to be just him doing things when he wants to do them, and how much is him just not knowing how to do it. Like eating. It never occurred to him to put things in his mouth. He is late getting to that stage of development. But with walking, he can. I've seen him do it--when he's not thinking about it! As soon as he realizes what he's done, he chickens out and drops down to the floor to crawl. He can stand, he can take steps unaided, he can get up without holding onto anything. The kid can walk. But will he? Hell to the no!

Bug? Did everything she was supposed to when she was supposed to, and on the early side of normal as well. She's always been happy to learn new things and to share what she's learned. Bobo is the exact opposite. Dave seems to have a bit of both in him.

Three kids, three very distinct personalities. They are interesting people. Victory is mine!

Pride Goeth Before the Fall

So I'm all pleased with myself for troubleshooting my printer issues by myself, what with Sister being a gazillion miles away in Denver doing God-knows-what, when the sheer excitement of it all makes me have to pee.

I go and sit down only to realize that I'd failed to lift the toilet seat cover. Nearly peed all over the potty instead of in it.

Yes, I'm a freaking genius.