Ask Poops, Please

Putting my two cents in.

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Location: Belmont, New Hampshire, United States

Born and bred in a small New England town, I am convinced that I know something about everything, and that my opinion matters. If only to me. Well, you'll see what I mean. And I love to knit, so you'll see what kind of things I'm doing when I should be vacuuming the living room.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Glory Days

I like these kinds of things.

It's odd, I know, but one of my favorite things to do is filling out forms. I like doing my taxes, even.

I like to read these because it gives me an idea of what someone is like. I like reading answers to questions I would have never thought to ask. In turn, for the most part I enjoy thinking about the questions and formulating my answers. It's theraputic, in a way.

This one is again lifted from CBear who is currently on blogging hiatus as she moves!

1. Did you date someone from your school? Yes, yes I did. Do I wish now that I'd dated more people from my school. Not to slight the guy I dated in the least, but yes, yes I do.

2. Did you car pool to school? No, but my boyfriend gave me a ride every day, even though I lived within walking distance of the school.

3. What kind of car did you have? I didn't get a car of my own until after college. Aunt Elaine bought me a 1978 Cadillac Coupe de Ville. It was AWESOME.

4. What kind of car do you have now? 1998 Toyota Camry. Got it used and it's been worth every penny. I'd own another one in a heartbeat.

5. Its Sunday night...where are you now? At home. The kids are usually in bed by 8, so someone has to be here!

6. It is Sunday night...where were you then? Definitely not out. School night. I was probably on the phone.

7. What kind of job did you have in high school? I worked during the summers for the town's Park and Rec program, then the next year I worked for the Belmont Village Store. I worked into the school year until it was too much to juggle work, school, clubs, sports, and a boyfriend.

8. What kind of job do you do now? I am a Personality Development Specialist. (I'm a stay-at-home mom to three.)

9. Were you a party animal? Yes, on occasion.

10. Were you considered a flirt? I don't really know. I think I probably was and still am, but I don't know what impression others got, or get.

11. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? No. I didn't play an instrument and I didn't join choir until college.

12. Were you a nerd? No. But I've always had underlying nerdy tendencies. I try to keep them in check. I was probably more one of the cool kids.

13. Did you get suspended or expelled? Heavens, no. I had perfect attendance in high school. I didn't miss a day because I liked to be in on everything and anything.

14. Can you sing the fight song? We didn't have one. Rest assured if we had, I would still know it. We had a school song in college...Salve Regina. In Latin. Chanted. Seriously. And yes, I can stilll chant it.

15. Who was your favorite teacher? I don't know as I had one favorite. I liked (and still like) a lot of them for different reasons. Some teachers had a teaching style that helped me learn really well--Mrs. K and Mrs. D come to mind for that. Some pushed me to do more than I wanted to, which was good for me and rewarding in the end--Mr. L. Some were fun people and taught fun classes--Mme. P. Some I appreciated then (as now) for treating me as an adult and giving me responsibilities beyond what was expected--Mrs. A and Mrs. R come to mind. Some I admire simply for their level of dedication to the students and the school, like Mrs. B and Coach B.

16. Where did you sit during lunch? In the lunchroom. I seem to remember sitting at the table directly under the big calendar in the cafeteria, but I know we didn't hold to one specific place.

17. What was your school's full name? Belmont High School.

18. When did you graduate? 1987

19. What was your school mascot? Red Raiders.

20. If you could go back and do it again, would you? I don't know. Not to do it all over again, but maybe, if I could know then what I know now, I might go back for an extended visit.

21. Did you have fun at Prom? Yes, I did.

22. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? On occasion. We are both part of the same circle of friends, but we don't seek out each other's company if the gang isn't all together. Some of that circle I talk to all the time.

23. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Abso-friggin-loutly. Our 20th reunion was so much fun that quite a few of us get together as a group on a regular basis. A lot of us still live locally, we have kids in the same schools we attended, and we still have a lot in common. So it's logical for me. And I like the men and women they've become, not just holding onto the boys and girls they were, you know?

24. Do you still talk to people from school? Oh yes. And not just from my class, either. Two of my best friends are from my sister's class. I'd say I'm in regular contact with about 20 people from HS, all grades and teachers included. Casual contact...probably double that, maybe even more.

25. School Colors? Red and white. GO BIG RED!

26. What celebrities came from your high school? None.

27. Did you play a sport? No, but I was the volleyball manager for four years, and I managed boys' varsity basketball junior and senior year. It was a great position for someone who liked sports but sucked at them all equally. And it was fun to be part of the team, but closer to the coaches than the players. I got a unique perspective, I think.

28. What was your favorite club? I loved being Yearbook editor and working on the newspaper. I still love to write and edit, and I have an eye for layout.

29. What class or teacher did you fear? I never feared a teacher or a class, but I hated Physics and Calculus. All math, for that matter, and the only science I ever liked was Chemistry. And there were teachers I didn't like because I felt they were ineffective and I learned little, and felt they didn't really care that I learned little.

30. What class was your favorite? I always loved English classes. French was fun, too. But I also really enjoyed any business classes I took with Mrs. A. I would say of all the stuff I learned in HS, typing is the one thing I use every single day.

That's all from me. I don't know what it reveals about me, though. I'll leave that up to you to decide.

If you want to relive a glorious youth, or share why your senior year sucked and sucked hard, I'd love to hear. Leave a comment and let me know if you decide to share!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Tito, Get Me a Tissue

It's been a rather sad week, I think.

For all the scandals and circuses, the musical icon of my generation is gone. Like Elvis, like the Beatles, love him or hate him, Michael Jackson changed music forever. I feel lucky to have been witness to it.

I saw this the other morning on Good Morning America and cried. I think the reason it gets me is the song is from when he was a just a boy singer and not the King of Pop. Most of the pictures they show are of him performing and there's such joy in them--not the creepy mugshots or the paparazzi pictures. I'm sad for his kids, and for his mom.

Anyway, for Michael Jackson fans, I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

Last night, however, I caught part of the documentary special about Farrah Fawcett's fight with cancer. I didn't watch it all because, quite frankly, it was too hard. I think it was hard to watch because throughout it all she was so brave and honest about her feelings, her struggles and her pain. You had to admire her great strength of spirit, and her great faith. And despite the ups and downs she and Ryan O'Neal have had, it was obvious how deeply they loved each other and how desperately they clung together through all of it. I'm sad for him.

But while I admire and respect the woman she became, it was hard not love her for the sassy young thing she was.

So for Angel fans everywhere...lest we forget.
Been a lot of death this week, I'll tell you what.

I was at a funeral this morning too for a dear old lady from our parish. I hope someday to be a dear old lady, though I think I'll probably be more of a spunky old gal. Here's hoping I get more years on earth than Michael and Farrah did. Perhaps my star will burn longer since it doesn't burn quite as brightly.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

It's Hard Out Here

Just pimpin' today, folks!

Pop on over to my friend Mike's etsy shop and make some of his lovely photography yours.

How I envy people who can take nice pictures. My skills have improved with the acquisition of a new camera, but I can't ever seem to get what I see in front of me to translate to print.

Mike, on the other hand, finds simple beauty in everyday objects. I'd post some of the pictures here, but I don't know how to add a watermark so that no one can use them elsewhere without his permission. So you'll have to link, and I think you should.

In other news, I notice someone finally punched Perez Hilton in the face. I'm not an advocate of violence or anything, but I kind of felt this was a long time in coming...

Friday, June 19, 2009

Just a Little Off the Top, Please

Big Dave got his first haircut today, courtesy of Mama. He was a bit shaggy in the front, there.

He liked it okay, except for the bits of fine baby hair that stick to everything and make your face tickle. But it's cool, because Mama will blow in your face and get them off, and even though she has nasty coffee breath, it's pretty fun.

Grandpa still thinks it's parted the wrong way, but I have to go with the cowlicks, not agin' 'em. I didn't touch the back because those are his sweet baby curlies and I love to nestle my face in them and kiss them. I'm just not ready to let them all go.

The best part about his hair is that it's a very light strawberry blonde. In the sun there's a lot of it, but it gives it a lovely golden glow that his sisters' didn't have.

I feel bad that the girls never really got "first haircuts". Just bangs trimmed or ends for a long time, and when they did finally get a bunch chopped off, it was by no means their first time in the hairdresser's chair.

So he's slowly--or quickly, depending on how you look at it--growing out of babyhood. He's crawling, standing, drinking regular milk and eating regular food just like a big boy. He'll be walking before much longer and probably weaned completely from his bottle by the end of summer, provided he decides he likes the sippy cup.

He was just a wee baby, wasn't he?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009



A while back I sent Yorkie a little felt bag I made. No reason, just because she's her and thought she might be cheered by some mail. Who doesn't like getting mail they didn't expect, right?

She said the other day that she used the bag with it's hanging wrist strap as a camera case.

Just that very day I was at the Staples looking at their selection of camera cases and not being happy with the ones I saw.

Why did it never occur to me before to make a felted one? Huh? Answer me that!

So, inspired by a most amusing muse, I knit, felted, and embroidered myself a camera case for the Canon. And I quite like it. It was such a good idea I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier.

It has room enough for some spare batteries, a place for the camera strap to hang out (so I didn't have to sew one one) and a ceramic sheep button embellishment.

I'm pleased.

I also listed a couple more pair of slippers in the etsy shop. The teal pair has the cutest pair of ceramic bat buttons and a big grey moon with little bats in the background.

The red pair is simple with a fancy-schmancy gold-embroidered ribbon.

I've got another brown pair on the needles and that after that...I don't know. Nothing in the queue at the moment!

I'm going to go have a cold drink now and wait for the muse to strike again.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Magic Church Bread

In light of the fact that yesterday was the Feast of the Body and Blood of Christ (Corpus Christi)--and you all know that, of course--I bet you're afraid this is going to be about the Real Presence of the Eucharist.

C'mon, that's what I have 9th grade Confirmation I students for!

My blog is about something more practical, possibly the best invention since sliced bread...since the circular knitting needle...since the toll house cookie...


This bag practically guarantees me an uninterrupted hour in church. Mind you, Dave isn't quite to the point where he likes standing up so much that he's fussing to get down all the time, so a bag of snacklets keeps him quite happy for a rather long stretch in the grand scope of infant-measured time. I imagine this is the last of a precious few months in which he happily accompanies us as a family for awhile.

I'm all for families attending Mass together, I truly am. I don't hold with kid-friendly soundproof rooms at the back of the church. The Mass is for everyone, including the youngest. How do kids learn to behave in church if they never go?

But I make an exception for toddlers.

Babies are easy enough to amuse, and if you're lucky they'll sleep through most of it like mine did. A little milk and it's goodnight Irene. When they're bigger, it's Cheerios and more milk, and Big Dave loves to sing along. His pitch isn't great yet, but we're working on it. He loves to chant, I swear.

Then comes the age of squirming. They don't want to sit in a lap, or even by themselves in the pew. They want to run, and run free! They want to get down and get up and get down and get up and if they are restrained...they SCREAM.

You can pull off maybe 20 minutes, half an hour if you're lucky.

At St. Joseph Belmont, that barely gets you through the homily. Fr. Albert is Benedictine, and monks have NO PROBLEM with quiet contemplation. We take our time. We sit and listen, and then we sit quietly and reflect on what we've heard.

And in addition to being a contemplative monk, he's a showman to boot. He believes the celebration of the Mass is to be something to be savored and enjoyed. Everything he does, he does with meaning. Every gesture, every prayer, literally everything is done with intent, and intent takes time. He does not rush. He doesn't whip through it like the diocesan priests so everyone can get to their golf game by tee time.

The upside is that by slowing it down, you learn to appreciate the subtleties of the ceremony. Prayers are said more slowly and reverently, the Creed is said with emphasis and inflection, and rather than having Mass flung at you at lightning speed, you're pulled into participation at a pace that is comfortable and relaxing.The downside is that you're there for an hour at least, more if it's a feast day or if there's something extra going on like a baptism.

Which is fine unless you have a squirmy toddler on your lap.

So there is a stretch of time in every one of our kids' lives when they stay home with Papa on Sunday morning. He's happy to take one for the team, what with him being a marginal Catholic and all He had very little catechism growing up, so he doesn't know what he's doing, or why he's doing it. It makes for a boring and pointless church experience and I feel bad for him and every other Catholic in the same boat. (I've tried to explain it, but he doesn't really much care. And you know what they say: never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.) All things being equal he prefers our church to any others he's attended, much to the disappointment I'm sure of some family members who shall remain nameless, yet he doesn't seem to want to be a full participant here either.

But it's his life, so whatever. He's all for raising our kids up as good Catholics and is supportive of my ministries, so if that's to be his calling, I guess I can't complain. I'm luckier than most.

No, the problem around here isn't with the lack of basic morals of the human members of the family, or even the cat.

It's the Barbie dolls.

Are you familiar with the Bill Engvall routine he does about his daughters and "Naked Barbie Land" and how there's naked Barbies as far as the eye can see?

That's my bathroom. I caught this on camera this morning.

Shameless hussies.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Now That I'm Done Ranting

I believe I shall regale you with some knitting content.

First, you can all be jealous of the sweet little set Auntie Meal scored for a friend of hers with a new baby. It's the pink cabled hoodie cardigan from my shop, only I jazzed it up a bit.

I added a small patch on one of the sleeves with two small bunnies on it, one facing front and one facing back.

Why, you ask?

Because she commissioned a pair of my Baybee Bootayz to go with it, but I'm out of that exact pink and can't get any more. So I said, "How about a white pair with pink soles and ribbon ties and I'll embroider wee white bunnies on the soles instead?"


She's also interested in my latest pair of felted embroidered slippers which I didn't even get to list in the shop. If they fit her, they're hers. If not, well you still might have a shot at them. I'm also working on another pair of teal ones right now.

The only things I actually got listed in the shop today are six small amulet/poultice/keepsake drawstring bags. I wanted to make one for myself to keep my rosary beads in, when I got the idea of making a bunch of them from scrap yarn. I put a nice satin cord on and a wee charm to decorate, and BOOM! How cute is that?

Finally, I've got a baby sweater ready to block. It's a baby kimono in about a size 24 month/2T or so.

So that should catch you up on my knitting for awhile. I'm also thinking quite seriously of entering the Knittyspin contest they're having over at Knitty this month. I like the Spunky Eclectic fibers and I sort of have a project for handspun in mind.

Something is telling me to DOOOO EEEEETTTT, so you see, I must.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I'm Sorry, But You've Been Hidden

I realized today what a liberating feeling it is to block people from my Facebook feed. I feel much lighter already.

I had to do it, you see. I was beginning to type in appropriately snarky responses to things they posted and deleting them before sending. I realized I was on a slippery slope that was going to escalate (I think that was mixed metaphor) into not deleting but just going ahead and speaking my mind, to finally writing things just to piss annoying people off. 'Cause, you know, I can do shit like that.

So I blocked a few friends, and here's why. First of all, each is annoying in his own way. Annoyance is the one over-riding thing that will get you banished from my sight.

Guy number one, the first person to be hidden months ago, fancies himself a stand-up comedian, so we shall call him CaptainUnfunny because sadly, he is not funny. I have the YouTube clips to prove it. His crime is posting what he thinks are witty and urbane observations--and trust me, they're not. Or worse yet he lets us all know his latest gig and the latest gigs of all his performer friends.

Now, if I start going on everyday and saying "Hey! Check out the new stuff in my etsy shop!" I would hope people would block me too.

Which brings me to Gal #2 who we shall call YouCrackMeUpLOL. She's one of those type of people who thinks we're closer than we are. I have two of those type of friends. This one got blocked because of her constant need to tell people what she's doing and/or thinking every minute of every day. I bet she tweets. Which I don't mind, if you are amusing. Want to know what isn't amusing?

I am gonig to bed yawn lol

I just had a cup of coffee lol

AforementionedComedianFriend you are so funny lol

You get the idea. Despite being my complete political opposite in every way, she manages not to irritate me with the grand pantheon of things she has the potential to use.

Which brings me to PossibleLesbian. I don't know if she's gay or not, but I'm betting on yes because if not, she's the most Pro-Gay straight person I've ever met. (Most people I know agree with Bette Davis when she said "I'm all for gay rights, but what's in it for me?")

PL is actually the sister of a friend of mine from way back, and what makes PL annoying is not that I can't figure out if she's a lesbian or not, not that it matters because I truly don't care, but it's the fact that she thinks she's smarter than she actually is. Her posts are mostly pseudo-intellectual blather, but it's the righteous indignation over perceived injustices that pushed me over the edge.

She posted an article from Salt Lake City about a Mormon-owned bookstore that stopped carrying the Twilight books in their store. According to the article, the bookstore in question specializes in religious books and books that would be of interest to Mormons. They carried the Twilight books in the first place because the author is LDS. However, at some point they realized that because they weren't selling well (who goes to a religious bookstore to get vampire books?) and space was limited, so they said they'd stop selling it in the store, but you could order online if you wanted.

She posted that with a rant about not banning books.

They didn't ban ANYTHING. But she's one of those activist cuckoos who always has her Jockey's in a knot over something.

Which brings me to LesbianActivist. This is the other friend who thinks we're closer than we actually are. And she's on the front line of every liberal cause there is. She's so far to the left she's practically coming around to the other side. Me, I'm libertarian in my political leanings, conservative in most areas of my life, and I have an uncanny abililty to see both sides of any argument. If there was a perfect job for me in the world, it would be Devil's Advocate. Which is a real job, by the way.

LA sees one side: hers. She's a gay activist and would like you better if you were too. She's a recovering alcoholic, and so are you. She's had gastric bypass, and so should you. And so on, ad infinitum.

Her posts are all about all the terrific gay things in the world. Sometimes I suspect she's gay because she loves the lesbian lifestyle. I am friends with more gay people than I can shake a fist-shaped dildo at, and I gotta tell you, she's the only person I've ever suspected of choosing to be gay. Every single one of my gay friends is gay the same way I'm straight. We just ARE. It's not a club they joined, or a cause they support, or even something they have to mention. It's a non-issue, truly.

And I am all for gay marriage. I say everyone should have the equal right to ruin their life. I don't think broadening the definition of marriage will in any way cause the institution to deteriorate. I think it will make it stronger. I also realize that not everyone shares the same religious convictions and it is as unfair for any group to push their religious beliefs on someone as it is for gay activists to force anyone to back down from the basic tenets of their faith.

But I also believe that any church has the right to say No Way Jose. I think a church, a minister, a photographer, whomever objects to providing services should be left alone. Anti-discrimination lawsuits can and will happen, and I'm glad that Gov. Lynch had the foresight to attempt to protect religious freedom while allowing sexual freedom to win the day.

I hope it works. I want everyone to be happy.

But here's the kind of shit I find annoying as all get out.

The first was a picture she posted a week or two ago that was an...we'll call it an homage, though I don't feel that way...of the famous photograph of the raising of the flag on Iwo Jima. The photo is two women in wedding gowns and two dudes in tuxedos raising a rainbow flag.

I feel very strongly about veterans and veterans affairs, and that rubbed me the wrong way. That black and white photo should remind people of how many lives were lost in a war that did nothing short of freeing the whole world. I get the point that was being made, but I object to the method used to make it.

The second one was the flag image she posted that was the US flag with some sort of gay rights symbol in the blue field instead of stars. Again, I couldn't help but feel a bit slighted on behalf of the men and women who fought and died to protect the freedoms that flag symbolizes. Fly it as is, or don't fly it at all. Again, I found it inappropriate.

I thought seriously of posting my own version of the flag but with a cross of stars instead and claiming it was the Christian American flag. Or perhaps a nice Star of David instead. How about the Islamic Crescent? No?

Changing the image of our flag doesn't win any victories, or make any points, other than that we are a country divided at all times over any number of political, social, and religious issues. It serves to widen the gap, not close it.

But I had to block her before I posted my own Catholic Rights flag. Or alerted my local VFW. And I thought seriously of signing up for the Legalize Polygamy group because...well, why not? When you think about it, polygamy should have more support than gay marriage. The Old Testament is FULL of it!

Anyway, I digress. The straw on the back that told me it was time to cut bait was her post about her friend winning Gay Idol. I have no idea what that even means, but when the response that came to mind first was "Hey, you're still gay? Cool, I had NO IDEA!" well, I'm thinking it's time to walk away. And blog about it.


I hid a few other people only because I friended them because they were friends once and they asked, but I've since realized that I have nothing in common with them and really don't care much what they're up to, so I just hid them instead of scrolling through a flurry of unwanted info. And I'll hide anyone that cannot or will not use some semblance of proper written English in their posts. Hell, I'll happily attempt to read your posts if you're fluent in say German (like Yorkie) or French (like Mme P, my HS French teacher). But if you start "u r so funny lol" -ing me, I'm hiding you faster than kiddie porn on a hard drive, mister.

I say, thin the brush. Cull the herd. Weed out life's little annoyances. G''s liberating!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Nine Years to the Day

My Buggy Girl made her appearance on the planet. Today, I am feeling old. I can't believe it's been nine years already.

We had a big party for Bug and Dave on Sunday with our family and friends in attendance. It struck me looking at the kids all playing on the lawn and NEW SWINGSET how big they're all getting.

Dave got a bunch of new clothes which he desperately needed. He's one and is wearing size 2T clothes. As it is, one of his new pair of summer pajamas is too tight in the arms! Bug got some nice jewelry crafting kits, lots of books, and some new outfits. And a new slip and slide.

And they all got a NEW SWINGSET.

I made chicken and Italian sausage on the grill as well as the potato salad, and we had a fruit platter, a fruit salad, two kinds of cole slaw, and macaroni and cheese. There was about a cup of potato salad left when all was said and done, and of the two cakes we had, there was 3 small pieces of one left.

Folks were hungry, I guess.

I know by 5:30 I was ready for bed! But then we'd been up early Saturday, Sister and I, building a NEW SWINGSET and all.

My metalworking experience with stair railings served me well, indeed.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Every Now and Again

Every now and again I think it's important to make a blog post that says, Yes, I do STILL knit!

Though, like CBear, I'm kind of into the embroidering thing these days. Probably because summer is coming and while I love to knit with wool, it can get sweaty to work with. And I just don't feel the love when I'm working with cotton. I may turn my summer energies to flour sack dish towels for awhile. Maybe some dishcloths.

Of course if you ever wonder what I've been up to, wander over to the etsy shop. I tend to knit, photograph, and list them without ever showing them off here. So here are a few things I've been whipping out!

First, inspired by my favorite pair of wool socks that Mr. Poops put through the washing machine and dryer, is the Loden Slipper. What DH did by accident (made the Bug a warm pair of slippers!) I did on purpose. It's my regular old all-purpose easy as pie sock pattern that I knit in worsted weight on size 9 needles (with mods being a very short cuff and a very long foot!) and ran through the wash--on purpose this time! I did remember to make them in the biggest size so that they'd fit a grownup when they were done. Then I added the embroidered embellishments. They sold within hours of being listed, but I've got another pair on the needles now in navy blue.

The Midnight slippers are their twin, a bit smaller. Same yarn, it just felted better for some reason. Oh, the yarns are the Valley Yarns Northhampton from Webs. It's your basic wool, nothing fancy. These I embellished with hematite beads in a vine pattern in silver. I think they're quite sharp.

I'm thinking with the navy ones of doing the embellishment on felt and appliqueing it instead of embroidering right on the felted slipper, but I don't know yet. Honestly, the whole felted slipper thing came out of my need to embroider something.

The Baybee Bootayz was what got me started with the embroidery thing. I made Big Dave a pair awhile back in a bigger size, but this is the original pattern for the smaller ones. I knit the booty, then I embroider a felt sole and blanket stitch it in place. These are a few of the booties I've got listed.

That's about all for now. Oh, except I should mention that Big Dave is one year old today. I watched him devour his oatmeal and pears for breakfast this morning and got weepy thinking of how very grateful I am to have him. My blessings are truly without number.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Hard to Believe It's June

Honestly, I'm freezing. It's in the 50's today and pretty breezy. I seem to remember at this time last year when I was hugely pregnant and overdue it was hotter than the hinges of hell, everything from the doors in my house to my fat sausage toes was swollen. Figures. I could probably be pregnant and comfortable this week.

So this weekend I put a railing on my porch stairs. Here it is.

That motherfucker pisses me off every time I look at it. Why? Because it doesn't need to be there. Not according to local building codes. Not in the opinion of the insurance company that has been covering this house for 41 years. But we switched insurance companies, and this company sent a monkey out to do our inspection. They signed on to cover us, then after the inspection canceled it due to disrepair--which they'd reinstate if we got stuff fixed. They started with four things, then added a few more for good measure when my agent called them about it.

Long story short, I got them down to three, one of which is the roof which I was going to do this summer anyway.

The second is the railing on the stairs. No one BUT the insurance company thinks I need it. Fuckers. Seriously, now that I have coverage, I have half a mind to burn this shithole down. I swear I'll stand in the yard and shoot the first son of a bitch that tries to put it out. If I could work my will, there would barely be enough left of it to pick up in a dustpan. And then, since they raised my coverage because it's an old house, they can build me a new one. One that doesn't have plaster falling down, a new furnace, decent plumbing, know, stuff like that.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that anything is "free". There's no such thing.

The third thing is I have to put clapboards up on the back side of the shed in the space above the woodshed. The woodshed that they called a "carport" despite the fact that you couldn't drive up to it without going over the lawn, and even if you got to it, a car wouldn't fit under it, no way no how.

Got 'em on that one.

But I still need to replace a handful of clapboards. Whatever.

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